Things That Scare Me

Just a few things off the top of my head. Maybe by saying them out loud (so to speak {write}) will help take the weight off of it.

People will watch the "Lord of the Rings" movies and never read the books.  

What a waste and how wrong. Being fair the movies are art and have some manner of worth in their own right, but they aren't the books. Looking back on them it is hard to take all the dark and horrible things that were added, expanded upon, or focused on at the expense of the real things.  The movies are about War and the books are more about people in a time of war and how they get by.  Much of what I know of friendship I learned from "The Lord of the Rings" and "Magnum P.I." and a few other things but at their heart both of these things are about Friends and Friendship. 

I might walk past my daughter and not recognize her.

Need we say more here? Not really no, this also pains me more that I can put into words. I've never been very good with faces, and the other day I was thinking I wouldn't know most of my friends from high school. Would the recognize me? When I look in the mirror I think I look much as I always have. (Now when I look at the me with no beard...I don't know if I recognize that guy. Not sure I'd Trust him either, seems like he could be a real ass.)

I know two phone numbers (that matter) by heart.

I think this may be true for more of us out there than we'd like to admit.  Since the cell phone...who needs to memorize anything. I am just now getting where I can remember the Misuss' (most of the time) without having to look it up.  You know what I do remember though? Nearly all of the numbers "I" had before the cell phone. Pretty much all the way back to high school (those that were "mine" for longer than a year anyway) and now I can't remember my last cell phone number.

Surgery and being helpless.

And with the above looming in the near Future (next week actually can be classified "Danger Close" in this instance) Being afraid probably isn't the greatest thing.  One thing I can take comfort in is the great support that I have from Friends and Family.  There was a Time when I thought I had no need of either...and now I know all too well that I cannot and will not survive without them.  I have said before that if a man can be judged by his Friends then I am one of the riches men in the world. Thanks to you all in advance, I Hope that I am not as big a burden as I fear I will be.  Maybe it will all be easy...greatest part is that either way I am lucky enough to be Loved.

More later I will try and keep everyone as well informed as I can.  I'll even try to get some pictures in here as well.  Who can't wait to seem my new scar?

Cheers,

g

So A Man Walks Into a Bar...

22 November 2011
0047 (12:27 AM) British Standard Time (BST)

...Sorry no poodles or salami (if anyone gets that vague reference...there has got to be some sort of prize) just a man (Yours Truly) and his 6 month pregnant Missus. We've been having a grand ol' time on our Tour of the UK.  presently we are up in Scotland, my first visit (cos monkey'n around on Hadrian's Wall hasn't mattered in that way in centuries) to the other Northern Country that makes up the mix that is me.

In Edinburgh at the moment (and just as a travel tip, right now there is a mess of street closures and divergences all over this bloody place) and so far its been nice.  Like any capitol ('cept places like Sacramento) it is very touristy. So there is all the hustle and bustle and the foreign speak in the Winter air. Don't let anyone tell you folks up here aint nice and friendly though, cos that'd be shite.

Hence the title of this post...

After what I will only call too long driving 'round in circles and squares (not to mention the other geometric shapes that I can't spell and wouldn't know how many angles half {optimist} of them really were) {oh shit I've Lost the Plot...I've now read and re-read the above passage too many times for it still not to make sense. But in my own defense I did really just get up to have a piss...})...we finally got lost enough to end up just where we needed to be. In this city of churches and church-like buildings I'll have to thank St. Christopher (and St. Andrew) for that bit o luck.

Next thing I know I'm packing the bags up the spiral stairs, pictures to come later. Cos regardless of all the other shite, this place is still dead cool and I really am glad were staying a couple nights here. Just like I told the Missus though, "You really want to be done for the night when you come up here."

Then we find parking under the shadow (if'd it'd been daylight) of the castle we find a car park, and start off fer the nearest pub.  While the Missus was indisposed, a man in a Scots hat and wool sweater (think Scotland and you see this guy...I didn't say Scotty (he was from Canada anyway) strikes up a conversation with me, I know me the "People Person" Some of it was just the normal stuff, but somewhere along the line I think we sorted it out that we were a little bit the same. Next thing I know he say, "So yer a bit o' a Rock'n'Roller, and a writer too I bet." All I can say is that I'd like to think so.

So on we were to talk about Life and rebellion and all the big questions.  We didn't solve any of the world's problems, but it is nice to know that there are other like minded folks out in the world.

So cheers Gordon and thanks, I actually do feel welcome in Scotland now.

And cheers to the rest, I've sleep to get.
g

Requiem

 William "Bill" Knott Lavagnino

1994-2011

I'm Not Here To Ramble...

...but be prepared, I just might.  Not much to say here, seems like everyday is the same. Well some are crazier than others, but some times I can't tell where I am on "The Wheel" (see past post [and don't ask me which, my memory is shot. I lost my keys and my mind about a million times today]{see I said I might get to rambling}) surely not at the top and if I am getting rolled over...then I guess that is a good thing. If this is as bad as it gets...

Shortly we'll be setting up a sister or brother (we don't know yet, and yes we debate it nearly everyday) page to this one where we'll share what is going on in the world of the little Life.  It'll be restricted, cos we really don't want our stuff out there. And I'll be damned if I let Facebook own our pictures.

Plus it'll be a good way to chronicle what is going on, not just in pictures but with everything.  I know I don't know what everything means, maybe someday we'll pass the site on to the next generation.  Maybe I can even get the Missus to write from time to time. (Don't laugh that's not nice. {Okay, I guess you can laugh if you find humour in my getting the Boss to do anything])

Anyway I'll do my best to keep everyone posted on Life here.  I can get this out of the way though. Yes, I am still in pain, every minute of everyday. Don't worry though everything will come out in the wash...someday.  David Ngog if finally no longer a Red, the soft French (read Frog) Shite is gone, gone, gone. Actually a lot of dead weight was trimmed from Liverpool, and looking at the coming in versus the going out...things look good again. (Some [Arne and a few others I work with] would call this ranting, but then again they would do so at the drop of the proverbial hat as soon as I mention what they call "soccer" of well. There really is so little that I do give a shit about these days.  I feel a little bit more Free, like I really have nothing to loose. And my bullshite filter is at an even lower level that usual.

I tell my guys that they really don't need me around anymore. They really are ready to handle anything that comes their way (and I guess at the end of the day if that is my Testament...I'm good with that) and not even break a sweat.  I figure they just keep me around for comic relief, but they say they need someone who'll say, "Not only NO, but Hell NO!" I'm good at and with that too.  It is nice to know that I'd do anything for them, and they'd do the same for me. Like I said not a bad legacy to leave.

And here I thought I had nothing to say...

Cheers,
g

So What Does This Have To Do With Anything?

2046 Home

Pro'ly nothin' but what the Hell right? So I am watching an episode of the 60's "Batman" and yes okay just say, "Ugh." But not just any episode one with Liberace in duel rolls, romancing (I know Liberace romancing a woman...) Aunt Harriet (and really!?! whose idea was that? Aunt Harriet? Fekinel.) as the maestro. While his gruff gangster type twin brother Harry is trying to steal the Wayne fortune. Right...ugh.

And we used to watch this crap and maybe even think it was cool.

(Oh my Lord one of Harry's henchwomen (how come henchmen is okay and henchwomen isn't...what about equal rights and all that?) just knocked Aunt Harriet {it hurts every time i say it} out with bagpipes)

Beyond all the "Holy this" and "Holy that" and the "Pow!" and "Biff!" and "Zowie!" how horrible was this crap. We had smaller or less developed brains before and we could fall for all that "Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel" shite.

Liberace (which I just learned is a word that can be spell checked...bloody fekinel) was just really in his element surrounded by inmates playing a black and white striped piano, talk about getting passed around.

Maybe it is because we watched this on small screens, some of us in yes...black and white. Maybe because we couldn't see how badly their masks fit (seriously they are cross eyed every time they have to look at each other) and all the ridiculous labels on every thing, "Bat Shield" and "Subtle Interrogation Lights" (I kid you not) that we could pass it all without getting hurt. But I dare anyone to watch this drivel and not come away scarred.

Alright all new low for any younger readers..."Transformers" cartoon from the 80's, that we all say was so great... Spike and the gang have just been transported back in time to the time of King Arthur. And I cannot nor never will try and understand how and why. Travel in space too, cos I don't remember the show being set in ol' Bli'hty.

Maybe I should go to bed...if only I could sleep. If only I could hide under the covers and make believe that everything was okay.

It makes one wonder though, what else do we gloss over with our older eyes? Its hard to wrap me head 'round it all. If we were to go back and analyze everything with what we know today....it really does me head in.

Too much for now...I think I need a drink before I really go off the deep end and start comparing the PS3 to Pong.

Night,

g

{

Chapter ? or Nothing Changes...Except for Change

20 July 2011

Sacramento, CA

I thought about doing something cheezie,

"Here I go again on my own"

or the old Bob Segar(sp?) classic(?),

"Turn the Page"

And I can't really do the Elvis Costello bit,

"I'm giving you a long look, every day...I write the book"

Cos I really don't feel like I am writing this thing. How different the story would be you ask? I dunno, there is a lot I would change, but maybe more that I wouldn't. So where does that leave me? Again I dunno, but one thing I have always said is that,

"I live my life so no one else has to."

But what does that mean? Who knows? I've walked the rocky Road of Life, mostly by my own...stupidity... stubbornness... righteousness...who knows? Everyone would have a different take. That is one thing I have really learned, everyone sees(is that correct? what an ugly word) things differently. Trust me if you think medicine is a science...you're wrong.

But enough of that. Well almost...Have I ever told you all that I wish that the next time someone asks me, "How much pain are you in?" I wish I could trade bodies with them. Partially just to see if the Fall to the floor. Is that mean? I dunno, don't think so I'd hate to have that inflicted on someone, but it really is the only way I could really explain it. Just for a second I would like to remember what being pain free is.

What else is there today? Is there a reason that I chose today to write? Yeah, there is today is my last day of Active Duty. I am not really sure what comes next. I'm not scared, just don't know. You'd think that I would have spent my leave doing something besides sweating, scribbling, and growing a beard. I have I weigh my options all the time. But what do I want? And how do I make whatever that is happen? That is all a little beyond me right now. But as of today I go back to being a "traditional" guardsman. What does that mean? That I now do my. "One weekend a month, two weeks a year" something that I haven't done really since 2003.

Wow, that's eight years right? What happened to that time. Sometimes it is hard to look back farther than whenever it was I last got off that plane, that plane being the one that brought me back from Iraq. Too often that seems like yesterday. Just like it felt like I was waking up from some dream when we hit boots on ground in 2009. I worry that I am going to wake up again and it will be to the sound of the Call to Prayer.

Can't go any farther back or forward right now, sorry. Time to close down, shut it all off, bottle it up somewhere, and try not to look at the TimeStream. Just move on down the Road and make sure that there are no footprints following me. Like I said I do this so No One Else has to.

I said it on Facebook, and I'll say it again...

"Adieu AGR."

Thank you and goodnight. I appreciated the chance I had to make a difference. I know what I have done and why I have done it. And at the end of the day I know it was right, that good things came of it. I've touched a Life or two and hopefully left the world a better place, (no wait that makes it seem like I'm dying, I'm not...just moving on) and if the big high muckity mucks that preside over people's lives without a care, without even speaking their minds toward someone who they have work with (or if you are them...worked FOR them) then you know what? Oh well, how do you sleep at night? Probably better than me, your future is safe (but how about your soul?) and there probably is not course of a million pills and pain every time you move (or don't move).

There I have vented...you'd think that made me feel better...but it doesn't. I can say, "Fuck off!" or try to "be positive" all I want, nothing changes, except for change.

That's it...I'm done...for now. No more on the last rant. To paraphrase the "Army Song",

"Proud of all that I've done..."

I can't speak for anyone else. I wouldn't know the language. And I wouldn't want to soil my mouth.

Things will be fine( whatever that is, I know that there was an acronym for F.I.N.E. but I can't remember it. Can you?

Promise a picture of beard next time...at least I've got that right...right?

Cheers,

g

I Suppose It Has Been Awhile

Sacramento 2011

But hopefully not long enough to scare everyone off. We'll see it guess. Chances are no one is still checking this, but one has to try doesn't one. This may have started out as a way for me to keep people informed whilst I was deployed, and yes maybe it turned into a Travelogue. But that doesn't mean I can't take it back.

I should start with trying to catch up with everything that has gone on since my last post, but that would probably scare anyone who wanted to read off. Not that nothing happened but it would be boring and incomplete. Suffice it to say that I have been working on my health and all the issues that have been plaguing me for however long they have. Whatever right, who wants to hear me complain about my back/neck anymore than they might already have?

If I'm being Honest (and I hope that I am) Life has just been Life. You know nothing stays the same. Life is something you just can't take back after deployment, things like that Change everything. That's okay, Change is good...right?

Wish there was more to say, but maybe soon... Anyway I have been enjoying my time off in spite of all the doctor visits and all the pills (better living through chemicals) we've had time to visit with Family and all that. That can Never be bad right? And the beard is coming in well, anyone who has seen it has seen the future. I'll try and take a good picture (take that Facebook crowd) and post it on here. I need to write to keep whatever peace of mind I have left, I know that now...so stay vigilant True Believers (thanks Stan) and watch the skies (wish I knew who to credit that nugget too) cos I'm back.

Cheers,

g

P.S. If anyone knows a drummer somewhere between Sacramento and Vacaville (preferable Sacramento though) please let me know. -g