Not Gonna Say A Thing

Just going to get right down to it...

A lot has happened since I last wrote, well it has and it hasn't, no major life changes as long as everyone is tracking with Iain and the rest. If not go back a few pages or go to www.thefamilyknot.blogspot.com and catch up with the boy and his adventures.

One thing that has Changed though and that would be the length of my hair and maybe the ability to do whatever I want with it. My disability claim has come back, and if anyone wants to know anything more they can get in touch with me. If anyone sees my wayward daughter let her know that she can get into college for free now, but we'll have to work together on it. (Anyone want to take odds on this?) Tell her she's only got till she's twenty-three so maybe it might be worth putting down whatever it is that is being held...for awhile at least. Who knows maybe...

To put something with that, it also means that I'm getting some help for things that I knew and didn't know were bothering me. I'm trying to be a better person after all, "someday's that's all you can do" and believe it or not we all could work on this.

With that I am going to Change the topic from the "poor me" I don't want to be that person. Things are Changing and I need to Change with them. If I hold any Hope at all at being that better person I need to work harder than I ever have before. All the Negativity isn't helping there are other outlets to let that out, the light at the end of the tunnel just might turn out to be something other than a train, and I need to look at the good things, look at the bright things, and move on from the bad things. Its a new me see....

Anyone remember last time I had this much hair?
I'll try and take a better one in the next couple of days

So I thought I would talk a little bit about the name of thins blog, cos I know that to almost anyone it don't make no sense. Unless they know me and really pay attention to what I say and sometimes sing about. Yep, I think I mentioned a long time ago that it was the title of a song that I was still writing. Well I am still writing it and it is about so much more than what started the process out.

Once upon a Time, "I once had a girl, or should I say she once had me" true story. We went out a couple of times and seemed to really get on. She went out of town, at least that is what I was told so I thought I would be Mr. Cool Guy and send flowers to be there when she got back. Well she got back late so there were dead flowers on her door step. She sent me a letter said the flowers and I were really sweet but we were in different places, it wasn't me it was her, etc. So not knowing when to stop I wrote a letter back that started out with the words, "Sorry All the Flowers Died" blah blah blah. The letter and the affair weren't that memorable but those words have stuck with me. Hence the song which is more about relationships in general and what happens when they don't all end in sunshine, care bears, and gumdrops. (Things have worked out much better though, don't get me wrong. Sometimes songs that had a lot to do with how you've felt are about how you no longer feel. But maybe if your lucky the song turns out helping someone else out.)
It has changed and evolved over the years the hook line is now, "Look for the Flowers, They're all Gone. By Any Other Name, we'd have got them Wrong" and doesn't even mentioned the title words until towards the end. Maybe someday I will put a video or audio clip on here for you all to hear.

Hope some of this makes sense.

Cheers,
g

Excuses Are Always Bullshit

I am trying to be more positive...just not today I guess. Sorry.

I should be doing better keeping up this blog, it is supposed to help, maybe me maybe you...who knows. Not having enough Time is shite, Cos I know damn well there are times when I sit doing nothing,  Psychomania, Depression, PTSD, whatthehellever.

What's going through my head? What isn't? I'm playing a waiting game with all things military right now, so no Change with that. I am just trying to have the best possible Time I can with the Family. Extended and local, or whatever.  The only thing that remains missing is big sister, so nothing new there.
Funny, both things Hurt, but in different ways. I don't cry when I think about how long the military, I don't lose my breath, want to scream, and drop to my knees ask whatever God that'll answer to.

I love my Family can't think of much that is as important, and I die a little bit inside when I know my daughter is not only Hellbent on hurting me but on hurting her Family as well. I don't know what exactly it is that I have done, but I am pretty damn sure her grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc never did a damn thing.

I should erase all this and not  bother anyone, but if i don't get it out..
.

TIME...Where Does It Go?

Next thing you know you look up and it has been 3 months since your last post. Of course it has been a long Time since anyone gave two shites anyway. Originally it was a way to communicate and to vent my frustration, now I don't know what it is... I meant to keep everyone up on my progress after surgery, and then I failed...sorry.

Its not like I haven't been busy and all...I have been very tired and kind of Afraid that whatever I said would come out Wrong (and what is Right exactly?). But I'm sure if you have been following other outlets I can be at least a little Forgiven. I'm not going to piss and moan and give excuses, or promise that I will do better.

But I'll try

Cheers,
g

Been a Bit Lax

And I'm sorry about it too.  Its weird how sometimes you think you've already done something...

The Doc said that my hand and arm strength is getting better and the scar is healing perfectly.  I will be wearing the collar and my array of scarves and ascots for another month, then we'll take an x ray and see about where to go from there. I know it will still involve the collar, but maybe a little less than all the time. I do start hand and arm physical therapy this week so that is progress.

What do you think: Bear attack, Monkey Knife Fight, Knee deep in a rice patty?
Suggestions?

And once again it won't get any worse.

Not very exciting is it? I guess that's why I didn't feel the need to rush out and type the news. Had a good weekend with Family and Friends though and that is worth more than all the whatever in the world. 'Cept maybe not losing to damn Bolton!

From what I understand the Littlest Knott may have some story telling to do...

Cheers'
g

The Red Dragon Will Rise Again

So it wasn't a great weekend to be a Red, another frustrating but normal 0-0 draw with Stoke. You get used to it though, if Stoke City play away from Home, they'll leave between 7 and 9 players inside the 18 yard box and grind out a Nil Nil draw. It angers and frustrates us all but what the Hell, 'em fekin Potters can...(wait for it)...(wait for it)...Sit'n'Spin!

Even Wolves pulled off a better draw than we did, way to steal points from Spurs, and keep yourselves a little farther up from the basement. Does us all favors really.

But everyone should put your hands together for Swansea,. beautiful team footie today. The Gunners may be big shots and I am sure were favoured by about a billion to one. But when that One is the Mythical Red Dragon of Wales...look out you posh London (there are so many words that I want to use, many of which even though they are shrieked at in the US, aren't really that bad. Let's just say that they might start with "c" or "t" but let's just go for one we can all live with) bastards. You can't keep them Swans down, and when they steal 3 points from Arsenal and Arsehole Wenger...BRAVO.

Now think on this my Friends...Cardiff City sit pretty high up in the Championship (I know as they have for awhile but that is a good and bad thing really.  Yeah they keep missing promotion by "that much" but that means that they are keeping up with the Jones's) this could be their year. So, if Cardiff can get promoted and Swansea can keep from relegation...not only will the two teams from Southern Wales (Including the National Capitol) be in the English Premier League, but the most successful club in England...the "Capitol of Northern Wales"...the Mighty Reds of Liverpool will as always be there. And do I dare even type the words and erase them?  

There is a reason that the Dragon of Wales is Red and today I feel proud to be Welsh and a Red.

Other than that we see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully I can spend a little time out of this damn collar. I wake up at nights snoring because of it with both hands around it trying to rip it off.  I snore louder than some of the loudest (and being in the military I've know some of the LOUDEST) snorers in the world.  I don't think I really get any sleep at all...I can hear myself...I'm asleep but I'm not..or am I?  I don't know what Hell may look like but I might now have an idea of the sounds.  I was going to say soundtrack but that is a whole different post.

Cheers,
g

Guerrilla Attacks

So I know can't sit here and type my brains out (don't say without pain, cos tha's a fekin lie and you know it) and rant away at the world. so we are going to try some Guerrilla Attacks, short and bitter. (Really had I said sweet all the people in the nations would have shrugged and side and said a collective BS, la')

I now know two things about Pink (the singer not the colour), not only has  she mad one of Papa Smurf's favorite albums (if you know Papa Smurf you are Hopefully having a good laugh, if not its a long story) but she also loves the animals and not just the fluffy cute ones she keeps as pets (I apologize if you don't have pet, or you'd rather call them animal companions or some such other whatever. I personally prefer just "friend" and without the quotation marks, I hate that...like an animal is good enough to have an actual name, no matter what you may call them, they are just dogs, cats, turtles...whatever. We are who we are...all of us not just the "Top of the Food Chain" {I've got to be careful I had a couple of points here}["Yes",  says the voice of Che Guevara Not very Guerrilla is it takes longer than 10 - 15 minutes to read." "Indeed," chimes in either Karl Marx or Ted "Una-bomber Kasinski/sp/  "much more like a manifesto."

Fekin'el back to Pink, she read about an animal that needed a expensive (sorry I didn't write it down and don't remember but $5,000 plus sounds about right) surgery or the dog would have to be put down. Anyone who has ever faced this kind of decision knows how it can tear at your heart to shreds and may (like as not) ever really heal knows that this is a nightmare decision for anyone to have to make.  Pink came up with the money, the dog had the surgery and healed, and has been adopted by a good Family.

So, Pink my dear if ever you're around...the first ones on me.

Now, when LFC drew with Blackburn I was less than happy (to say the least) but today...I love you lads, anyone who can sink Man U, 3-2...I don't mind have a draw with. And 'Villa you beauties 3-1 over Chelsea, well done.

The other day was Stan "the man" Lee's birthday...89 and doesn't look a day over it, but is still creating away.  Thing is I certainly Hope the people on the Nobel, Pulitzer, and Oscar people (as well as  a few others I can't think about right now) better get Stan sorted before long.

Cheers,
g

 

And You Shall Know Me By The Friends & Family I Keep

"It is early, some would say too damn early, others will have been up for hours. Me? I'm somewhere in between - I wake up when I get up and deal with the Time as it comes. (When it's my own choice that is. When I'm told, 'Wake up is 0530!' That makes me respond, 'That's some bullshit.')

I like pears. I am not sure how Del Monte can fuck them up so badly in their 4 oz plastic cups 'Diced and No Sugar Added.' Pears don't taste like this! It is like eating Legos.

Rant complete. The update may now start.

As for me, I'm getting stronger and more used to my role as 'the guy who can't move his neck, bend over, or pick most things up.' Don't get me wrong, I still hate most of it, but am coming to terms with it all.

What do you all think of my new ascot?
Eat your heart out Fred. Orange, really?

I have to Thank my good Friends and Family who've been by to visit. Big thanks for staying with me Brother. Even if I didn't need any help most nights as I tossed and turned (this is a figure of speech, actual tossing and turning would probably mess me up.) It was nice to hear a voice that asked if I was okay or if I needed anything.

And of course the Missus has been a saint (definitely not the martyring kind either,) and I couldn't do it without her. Even if I get grumpy and think otherwise in my blacker/bleaker moments, She's been an angel with just Enough 'Old Testament' flaming sword to deal with me when the doctor 'took out his pocket knife and cut off my horns' when I was born.

Brace? What brace? Did anyone really think I couldn't class even that thing up?

A couple of my good Friends (Brothers from other Mothers) took me out into the Real World the other day and I felt almost Human. Might have bitten off (speaking of bitten, had my first post-op beer, Hope my doctor isn't reading this) more than I coulda/shoulda chewed, but they were always kind enough to wait for me, once they realized how far back I was and never turned a corner or crossed the street without me. Seriously, thanks for that. So what that means for the rest of you is that I am now available for short trips in the car and shorter walks (not that my house isn't FUNLAND.) Liverpool vs. Wigan will be on somewhere Today, or at the very least in some format here at the house - any are welcome

My Squeezable Grenade

I am tempted to break my rule of 'No Real Names' here on SATFD to say thank you to One of my Brothers from Another Mothers' - Mother as they were, the sugar cookies were (as always) so very, very good. Thank you Mrs. E. I had better keep on walking and squeezing the grenade, so I don't end up a 4000 lb guy with a little scar on his neck. There are still a few left...but for how long?

My Grenade in Action

My ugly green music stand has come in handy lately, I can read and write (even as we speak - actually that's not right, cos it'll take the Missus awhile to actually publish this but you get the the idea.) I could even use it for music. The Missus doesn't seem to think I need a guitar couchside, so I guess I better just walk my ass back to the bedroom. Gonna have to weigh my guitars cos I bet more than half of them are heavier than 5 pounds.

Thank you to all Friends, Family and Medical professionals alike, whether it's a visit, a prayer, a text, a surgery, cookies, a phone call, emptying my pee jar, even taking the time to read this, whatever...we've made it through the First week of this Journey. I'll take my hat off to you, (cos I can't take a bow, but you all should.) Thank you from my Heart, only 3-5 weeks and a Lifetime left to go, Thank You.

I read the Baby's blog the other day...you're a'right my wee one, Love You. He/she has been dancing, kicking, rolling and generally having a ball inside the Missus, and we can't wait (Yes, we can til Feb 20th or so, at least) to see you and Hopefully hold you in my arms."

Cheers,
g

P.S. No worries Luis...You'll Never Walk Alone.